First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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