I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
