sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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