i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
