so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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