so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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