my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
