I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
