Cold hands, warm shart.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
