I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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