It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
