ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
