I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
