he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
