Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
