You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
