oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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