Where did you get a picture of my penis
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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