i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
