weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
