Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
