Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
