I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
