Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
