I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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