Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
