maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
