sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
