I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
