sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
