Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
