so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
