marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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