a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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