So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
