Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
