I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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