I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
