I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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