Fine. I'll sleep in my office
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
