She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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