So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
