I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
