I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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