Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
