he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
