Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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