Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
