is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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