So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
