So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
