i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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