I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
