I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
