Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
