i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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